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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Birth order sibling relationships

drinks60514724.jpgSibling relationships are impacted by multiple things including birth order, gender, age spacing, and parental influence. Researchers have long been trying to figure out how children can end up so different when they are raised by the same parents. They have concluded that age spacing is one of the biggest factors that impact sibling relationships. When children are close in age, they tend to share similar interests and they have an easier time learning how to share. When there is significant age difference between siblings, there is an occurrence of power issues. Every child is trying to compete to be the dominate one so the conflict between siblings is greater.
The first-born child tends to show more authority over their younger ones. Since the first-born child was the only one in the family for a long time, they tend to get jealous when other siblings are introduced into the family and the attention is taken away from them. The first-born child or older children may envy the younger children for taking their attention. In return, the younger children may become bitter toward their older siblings because they have an advantage of being older. On the other hand, these same characteristics can work to parent's advantage because it can make their children grow closer. The older children will feel a need to watch over their younger siblings and the younger children will look up to the oldest as an example and try to reach the standards they set.
The birth order sibling relationships can continue to have an impact upon us clear into adulthood. The younger siblings may always look up to their older ones and the older ones may always feel a need to protect their younger siblings. This can impact the way people make friends and interact with others in the outside world. Renowned psychologist Alfred Adler noted that when children are deeply unhappy at home, that desolate state will follow them through their entire life. They may have feelings of unhappiness because they felt deprived as children or they did not grow up in a home that developed a sense of belonging.
Parents play a large role in birth order sibling relationships. Some parents unconsciously favor the oldest siblings because they expect them to be more mature from the younger siblings. This will cause contention with the younger siblings and feelings of resentment. Oldest children are commonly put "in charge" when the parents are away, giving them authority over their younger siblings.
Your second-born child may constantly feel a need to compete with the oldest child. Many of the life-long sibling rivalries come from second-born children that are trying to compete with the oldest. Your third-born or middle children are the ones that commonly complain of feeling "invisible". Middle children tend to struggle with their sibling problems throughout their entire life. They may feel like they are not as accomplished as their older siblings and not as special as the youngest child. Middle children tend to act out to gain attention from their parents. To prevent middle children from lifelong struggles, parents must make the effort to notice them more.
Your youngest child is typically resented by the older ones because they are spoiled. Parents tend to hang onto the youngest child because they do not when them to grow up. Once youngest children reach adulthood, they feel like they need to prove themselves to their older siblings to let everyone know they are not children anymore and they are their equal.
Parents can prevent small sibling rivalries from developing into life-long problems by acknowledging each child individually and not playing favorites. Individual attention makes the child feel loves and it decreases the need for competition in the home.

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