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The birth order sibling relationships can continue to have an impact upon us clear into adulthood. The younger siblings may always look up to their older ones and the older ones may always feel a need to protect their younger siblings. This can impact the way people make friends and interact with others in the outside world. Renowned psychologist Alfred Adler noted that when children are deeply unhappy at home, that desolate state will follow them through their entire life. They may have feelings of unhappiness because they felt deprived as children or they did not grow up in a home that developed a sense of belonging.
Parents play a large role in birth order sibling relationships. Some parents unconsciously favor the oldest siblings because they expect them to be more mature from the younger siblings. This will cause contention with the younger siblings and feelings of resentment. Oldest children are commonly put "in charge" when the parents are away, giving them authority over their younger siblings.
Your second-born child may constantly feel a need to compete with the oldest child. Many of the life-long sibling rivalries come from second-born children that are trying to compete with the oldest. Your third-born or middle children are the ones that commonly complain of feeling "invisible". Middle children tend to struggle with their sibling problems throughout their entire life. They may feel like they are not as accomplished as their older siblings and not as special as the youngest child. Middle children tend to act out to gain attention from their parents. To prevent middle children from lifelong struggles, parents must make the effort to notice them more.
Your youngest child is typically resented by the older ones because they are spoiled. Parents tend to hang onto the youngest child because they do not when them to grow up. Once youngest children reach adulthood, they feel like they need to prove themselves to their older siblings to let everyone know they are not children anymore and they are their equal.
Parents can prevent small sibling rivalries from developing into life-long problems by acknowledging each child individually and not playing favorites. Individual attention makes the child feel loves and it decreases the need for competition in the home.
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