Conflicting family events

When you get married you gain a whole new family. This usually means you have two families, which is absolutely wonderful. Most of the time. Sometimes, however, it can lead to conflict. For example, it can mean having to choose which family to spend time with. Which family gets to see the grandkids, etc. Conflict in relationships, particularly with families is something that ought to be avoided. So, consider the following tips for dealing with conflicting family events.

1. Anticipate them. It is true that you can't always help it when a family event conflicts with a separate family event, but it does not mean you have to be ignorant about them. For example, most families are going to have a get together of some kind for Christmas. Most families get together near the holidays, birthdays, and other big events. Most families also have annual or regular get togethers such as reunions, etc. So, if you know that both sides of the family are going to have a Thanksgiving dinner, and you are going to have to choose between them, try to come up with a system that makes it easier for everyone. For example, you can tell your family that since you spent the last holiday with them, this one is with the other side.
2. Switch off. There are two ways to employ this technique in order to avoid getting in trouble over conflicting family events. The first option is to switch off every other for the specific holidays. So, this means having Christmas this year with your family, and Christmas next year with your spouse's family. Just be sure to keep careful track so that no one feels shafted because you went with the same family two years running. The other option is to switch off every other holiday regardless of the holiday. So, let's say you get married in October, and spend Halloween with your family, that would mean Thanksgiving is with your spouse's family, Christmas with yours, New Year's with your spouse's, you get the picture!
3. Do both the best you can. In this, usually both sides feel contented, and you are the one that semi-misses-out. So, for example, on Thanksgiving, make sure that one family does an afternoon lunch, and the other an evening, that way you can go to both. Of course, in order to do this, you have to live within close proximity of both families. This can get tiring, and can wear you out, but it usually means everyone is happy.
4. Do neither. If you have conflicting family events, one of the ways to avoid anyone thinking you are playing favorites, is to not attend either event. Instead, do something on your own, with your spouse and children if you have them. This is kind of the everyone loses option, but it does prevent anyone from accusing you of favoritism.
Whatever you choose to do, just be conscious of the feelings of those involved. It can be difficult for a parent to see their child constantly choose their spouse's family over theirs. It can create rifts, frustration, and irritation.